I don’t know why but I just haven’t been up to writing lately. I just haven’t wanted to. Lots has happened since you’ve last heard; it’s amazing what can happen in a couple months!
I got a job at Lagoon (April 17) working the kid rides. I learned how to work a couple of them and then decided that the 3 hour bus ride was way too long and quit. Then I fond a real job at National Car Rental making $7.55 plus bonuses! I’ve been there a month now and I’m on my last week of training.
On May 13th was Sadie Hawkins. I went with Jacob. Zach went with my friend Dawn; his first official date! It was lots of fun. We went hiking up to Doughnut Falls
Jacob asked me to marry him. I said a soft “yes” through my pain and tears but I didn’t mean to promise him anything because I am only 17. I was seriously considering it and was praying about it for a couple of months and I don’t think it’s the right decision. He and I have a lot to work through. Plus, I don’t know if I told you or not but he has a heart condition and apparently his Patriarchal blessing says that he will die on his mission. I’m really scared that this might happen soon. Not as scared as he is, though; I feel awful for him!
I want to marry someone who is strong in the church. Jacob used to be a bad kid. He used to drink, do drugs and steal cars. I know that he is really sorry and doesn’t do those things anymore…
A friend just got married on the 25th of May… before her graduation! Weird huh? I’ve been really thinking about marriage lately. I am almost 18 already. It could happen really soon… but then again, I could have another 7 years to go! I wonder who I’m going to marry and when I’m going to meet him; if I haven’t already. I want to marry someone special, who is spiritually strong with a lot of good qualities. I’m trying to prepare myself now so that I’m worthy of the best guy possible.
I’m worried I won’t be ready. It’s getting harder and harder to keep going. I feel really stressed and like I can’t even handle simple things anymore. My whole body aches and I’ve been crying a lot again. I wish I knew what is wrong and how to fix it. I’m also scared that I won’t be ready for the pageant in a month.
I’m worried about my family and I’m really worried about me. I’m having a hard time feeling the Holy Ghost and I haven’t been making great choices. I’ve been unkind to my family and I haven’t been saying my prayers as often because it seems like no one is there anymore. I haven’t been reading my scriptures either and Jacob and I have kissed too much a couple of times. We haven’t done anything bad but I’m afraid of something happening. I feel very lonely sometimes… I think that’s why I like to be close to him.
Well, I’m going to go. I will talk to you later.
Melonie
*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.
