Isn’t it amazing how long a rumor can keep moving? I give up! Noel, Erick and Mitch need to grow up and get a life! It has been so hard having all my friends not just leave me but stab me in the back on their way out a couple hundred times.
My institute teacher said it was a sin to French kiss before you are married. I feel so awful; I keep screwing up. I haven’t done anything really, really bad (like fornication) but I feel really bad; like I don’t deserve to live anymore. Heavenly Father is so disappointed in me.
I’m still dating Jacob. I don’t love him anymore, not like that anyway. He still loves me a lot. I kiss him like twice a week and sometimes I feel like I’m just using him. I guess I am. He’s the only one who loves me. I do care about him and I’m trying to get him on his mission.
I don’t know what to do, Kristi. He needs me to encourage him because he’s scared but I don’t know if I can trust myself. I let Rico touch me, my grandfather, Jacob; I also let a couple other guys take advantage of me and I even touched Jacob back one time because I didn’t care anymore. It felt good to feel loved then but I hate myself now.
Both Jacob and I are sorry and have repented; once you start the temptation to do it again is so much stronger. When we date we go in groups and we always have but in those moments when you are alone Satan really works hard.
My counselor has asked me to try writing in my journal everyday. I don’t think that’s going to happen but I hope I will write more often. I think I have accomplished a lot with her. I am working on “letting my light out again”.
Melonie
(Age 17)
*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.
