April 12, 1999

I am so stupid!  Erik is a JERK!  …and so is every other guy!  I learned my lesson; why didn’t I listen to my parents and leaders?  That would’ve saved me from a lot of pain.  I will NOT have another steady relationship until it is time for me to marry!  I feel awful about who I am and what I was doing.  Even though nothing happened, I knew inside that having a boyfriend wasn’t right for me.

 I believe what I did with Erik (and I’m prone to do with every other crush) is that I put the characteristics of the man I want to marry into him, then, I met the real Erik… and that hurt!  I’ve never cried so long in my life.  (Which is stupid because I really didn’t love Erik, I love the guy I’ve been dreaming up for all these years…)

 I haven’t really lost the one I love.  I’ll have to just keep him in my heart until we meet in real life.  I just really want someone to love me.  The “rule” about not having a boyfriend in high school isn’t just to protect us from sexual/physical abuse or sin; it can also protect you from a broken heart!

Love, Melonie

(Age 16)

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.