I don’t know what to do! I heard my mother tell my grandma, “Everyone else is doing quite well now. We just need to get Melonie through her issues and we’ll be just fine.” I guess I do still have some “issues” to work on but am I really that bad? I get so lonely and feel so worthless and unloved sometimes! It hurts! I constantly wish for someone to hold me and for someone to be my friend. I need a friend I can talk to about anything; one who will always be there for me. “That kind of friend that is only found in a good marriage”, mom once told me. Well, I can’t wait to be married then! That sounds so wonderful.
I am doing better (I thought so anyway!) I couldn’t have done it without my parents and some of my friends from camp. At the rate I’m going, I think I really can become Miss Teen All American! Do you want to hear something weird? Amazing? Ever since I’ve found this add (in March 1998) I have been enthusiastic to be in it. One month later, I was accepted into a modeling school and graduated in October. In May, I tried out for Spirit Club and made it! (I usually don’t “make” things) This gave me more confidence.
June, also last year, I was able to go to Oakcrest as a camper and get so much closer to the Lord. (15 year olds aren’t usually welcome) July, I entered into the Miss Hawaiian Tropic and got 2nd alternate and, in August, I went to court and put my grandfather in jail. I even went on the news! That also gave me a lot of strength and courage. I can stand up for me and my beliefs now. The great people you hear about probably got to being the people they are via hard experiences like mine I’ll bet.
Last January I was finished with counseling; I learned more about myself. I also started dating. Then, I got my job at Oakcrest. I learned at Oakcrest that I need to learn to be my own best friend and to not try and please everyone else all the time. I also got closer to the Lord up there.
I’ve been working so hard on healing; I’ve been reading lots… I am planning to be in the pageant in August 2001. That’s exactly 3 years and 7 months since this all began. (My mom says that 3 years and 7 months seems to be the amount of time needed to accomplish a big goal.) I am so excited. I believe that if I keep going I can be crowned Miss Teen USA! Heavenly Father has already helped me so much.
Melonie
(Age 16)
*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.
