She has had a hard time all these years going through her healing process. I’ve done a lot to take care of her and the family while she was sick. I’ve cleaned the house, made dinner, got the kids ready for school, made dad’s lunches; I was there for my mother WHENEVER she needed me. She whined and cried a whole bunch and now that I am going through the same thing I’m not allowed to be sad once in a while?
I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL! She just went through the same things so why is she pushing me away now? She says she wants “nothing to do with me” when I’m feeling depressed, sad. Why can’t I have a friend? Why is it so wrong for anyone to love me?
Lately, I haven’t been able to do anything right for anyone. I wish these feelings would go away. I want to die. No one would care if I did.
August 5, 1999
I am reading this book called
It’s about a girl who gets raped. The feelings and circumstances that the author wrote about reminded me so much of my life. She, the main character, reminded me of me! In the beginning, she was such a good girl and a special girl, with so many ambitions. Heavenly Father was her best friend.
I was like that. Now something dark inside me is holding me back. A lot of what I’d accomplished is gone now. I feel so evil sometimes; why does God even listen to me anymore? I’ve betrayed Him so many times.
Ever since I started reading this book, I’ve had a hard time concentrating on things. As I read it, I get these sharp pains through my body. I think there is something inside me that still needs to come out.
Melonie
(Age 16)
*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.
