October 16, 2000

When is it going to end, Kristi?  I am so tired and I’m not sure I can handle the pain anymore.  What happened to my old life; to my friends, to my family, to my happiness?  I am so scared I will never be happy again.  How can anyone live like this?  I know that sometimes I’d rather die.  I’m in so much pain, SO much pain!  My whole family is.  Why does the pain have to last so long?  Why did it have to happen to us?  Why did the people I trusted turn out to be the bad guys?  Why was I so stupid to trust them in the first place?

I hate myself sometimes.  How could I let this happen and how can I fix it?  Maybe this is my punishment for not being the person Heavenly Father expects me to be.  I don’t know… but I wish it would end.  I’m sorry.  I’ve been having a difficult time in counseling.  It’s difficult.  I feel as if my spirit has become hard like a rock; it’s heavy right inside my chest.  It hurts.

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

August 6, 2000

Kristi,

I know that even at those times when I feel that there is nothing I can do about the way my life is going, there are still some things that only I can control.  I am in control of my feelings, my attitude, my beliefs and my behavior, my time, my choices, the things I will value, my desires, my thoughts, my talents, the goals I set for myself… and the love that I give and the kind of love I will receive.  I can control all of these things no matter what happens or who is around me.  If I take that control and set boundaries for others; I will be happy! 

Mel

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

November 20-22, 1999

I have learned so much in the past few weeks, Kristi; mostly as a result of my sessions with the hypnotherapist.  He knows so much about God’s plan and about our bodies and spirits.  Did you know that even some of the simplest things we say can program our subconscious minds to negatively influence our lives?

God has given us such a great gift: our bodies.  With them comes great power.  Our goal on this Earth is to learn to use that power wisely by uniting our body, mind and spirit through God’s help.  Once I obtain inner peace (or oneness) and obey God, I can have anything I desire that is righteous.  I am so excited.  Now that I understand a little more clearly I can really start my life!

Love, Melonie

(Age 16)

November 22, 1999

My parents are in Wyoming.  My dad is working out of state again.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I feel angry, hurt, and scared.  Yesterday I practically beat up my sister when she was mean to us again.  I never do that!  I feel like scum.  My sister hits us, kicks us, swears at us… all the time.  That’s how she is.  I don’t know why I snapped.

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

August 3 & 5, 1999

Dear Kristi, I can’t understand how my mother can act like that.

She has had a hard time all these years going through her healing process.  I’ve done a lot to take care of her and the family while she was sick.  I’ve cleaned the house, made dinner, got the kids ready for school, made dad’s lunches; I was there for my mother WHENEVER she needed me.  She whined and cried a whole bunch and now that I am going through the same thing I’m not allowed to be sad once in a while?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL!  She just went through the same things so why is she pushing me away now?  She says she wants “nothing to do with me” when I’m feeling depressed, sad.  Why can’t I have a friend?  Why is it so wrong for anyone to love me?

Lately, I haven’t been able to do anything right for anyone.  I wish these feelings would go away.  I want to die.  No one would care if I did.

August 5, 1999

I am reading this book called Brittany by Jack Weyland.  I’ve read it before but this time…

It’s about a girl who gets raped.  The feelings and circumstances that the author wrote about reminded me so much of my life.  She, the main character, reminded me of me!  In the beginning, she was such a good girl and a special girl, with so many ambitions.  Heavenly Father was her best friend.

I was like that.  Now something dark inside me is holding me back.  A lot of what I’d accomplished is gone now.  I feel so evil sometimes; why does God even listen to me anymore?  I’ve betrayed Him so many times.

Ever since I started reading this book, I’ve had a hard time concentrating on things.  As I read it, I get these sharp pains through my body.  I think there is something inside me that still needs to come out.
Melonie
(Age 16)

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

July 11, 1999

Hey.  I’m back.  You know, I think I’m going to be doing a lot of writing to you these next few months.  I’m in lots of pain.  So bad it’s hard to breath.  My mom says it’s stress building up because of all I’ve been through.  I’m glad.  That means it will be gone soon and I can be normal again.  Everything will be gone; the eating and sleeping problems, the deep sorrow, the headaches, the pain… everything!
I’m feeling really sad and lonely right now.  I miss Oakcrest.  Not one of my friends called me this weekend like they said they would.  Maybe they didn’t really care about me.  Actually, I was probably quite annoying.  I probably complained a lot of pain.  Oh well.  I’ve learned a valuable lesson from the people there and I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I am sure that some of the things that were said in testimony meetings and devotionals were meant just for me. 

I am going through depression right now and that’s a hard thing to go through but someday I will be rid of it.  Someday I will wake up and it will be gone.  I will be a new person with new abilities and strengths.  This can be overcome!  I have noticed that I am more aware of other people and their trials.  I’m not the only one in depression.  I’ve learned that even though some people seem like they have perfect lives, many of them are hurting inside and the best way to help you is to forget yourself and help them.  God is aware of our pain and He will take care of us.  I’m learning to trust in Him a lot more; to ask Him for help before I try and do it on my own.  Jesus has been my best friend for a long time.  He has always been there for me.  He understands me.  He knows what I need and will take care of me if I ask.

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

June 7 and July 8, 1999

Hi Kristi!  Today is the first day of camp with the girls here.  It was quite a chore to wash the dishes for 400 people!  They stacked up so fast!  It has been hard for me to keep up with everyone else.  I feel bad; like I’m worthless to the staff.  However, I know this is where I need to be.  I feel closer to the Lord here.  It has only been a week but I already feel like I’ve received messages that were meant just for me.  These experiences are so important to me; they’ve made me feel so much better.  You know, I’ve been thinking… I prayed for some spiritual experiences to build my testimony and to help me accomplish my goals.  Maybe Oakcrest is an answer to my prayers!  It has only been 6 days here… I wonder what the rest of

the summer has in store for me!

July 8, 1999

I’ve been at Oakcrest for a month now.  I’ve felt the spirit close again; I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve made friends, I’ve learned… and now I’m home.  I guess I’ve done what I need to do there (for now).  I miss it so incredibly much!  Sure, I’ve had some really hard times there but it made me happy.  It has been 2 years since that 1^st kiss with Rico that started everything…  So many things have happened since then.  It has been so hard for me.  At Oakcrest, my physical pain just got worse and worse and, emotionally, I just got to the point where I was crying all the time so I prayed about it and decided to come home.  Now I wish I were back.  I had some great friends there.  I will never forget them.  One gave me a special frog that reminds me that some days I might feel like a frog but, someday, I will turn into a beautiful princess.  That someday is beginning today! I am getting better!

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

May 17, 1999

Kristi,
Being abused has put me through a lot.  It’s kind of like a major emotional rollercoaster ride but, unfortunately, the “rollercoaster” doesn’t have anymore major emotional highs.  Instead it goes lower then it ever had before.  I guess it had to happen.  I felt so happy before…  My only problems were my annoying little sister and the stress of getting good grades in school.  No one’s life can be perfect, I guess.  Now I am so sad and sometimes there seems to be no reason for this deep sorrow. 

I feel very alone.  I know that I’m not but it seems like I’m the only one going through such pain.  No one can really help me.  I have to get better on my own.  My mother, who was my best friend, has pulled away from me.  She says it’s because it hurts her to remember what she has been through.  She has left me when I needed her most.  I FEEL SO ALONE!  You’re still with me, aren’t you Heavenly Father?  Don’t give up on me yet.  I love you!
Love, Melonie
(age16)


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

April 30 & May 6, 1999

Hey!  What’s up?  I’m doing okay.  My family and I are at Yellowstone National Park.  It’s great here.  There are so many beautiful things to see.  It’s sad, though, that I can’t stand to be around my family anymore!  I know that I am probably hard to live with too.  I’ve been kinda angry.  Poor Dad.  He’s trying so hard to bring this family together and no one wants to corporate.  He’s so great.  I Love him so much.  He is the greatest Dad anyone can have, I’m sure.

May 6, 1999
My life is so pathetic.  It seems like a total waste of time.  Why am I here?  What is the purpose of my life?  Why do I keep making the same mistakes?  I feel like I’ve lost myself.  This year has been a complete loss.  What have I accomplished?  I have been set back more then I’ve moved forward!

My biggest dream is to one day get married to a wonderful guy and have a family.  Next to that dream there are two others.  Being Miss America (don’t ask) and owning an LDS girls camp like Oakcrest.  (I got a job there this summer.  I am so excited!  I’ll be a cook!)

*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

January 11, 1999

Kristi,
I don’t really feel like writing; so I am. I don’t feel like talking to anyone; so I’m talking to you. I don’t feel like reading my scriptures or praying; so I will. Yesterday was my birthday but I’m not happy. My friends from church threw me a surprise party and, today, my mom and her friend took me to see “Ever After” and to eat at the Olive Garden. I got all I could’ve wanted but something is missing… a part of me is missing and I don’t feel whole. I guess I have a good life. I’ve been blessed… So what’s wrong with me? I just feel like crying all the time. I’ve felt like I have the flu for 2 months now. I have ulcers, bad headaches and all my joints are so swollen that sometimes I can’t even leave my bed in the mornings. I don’t feel like doing anything. Jesus, please help me… I love you.
Melonie
(Age 16)



*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

January 3, 1999

Hey Kristi-Kristi-Beau-Bisty-Banana-Nana-Foe-Fisty…
I’m up to page 100! Now, my goal is to reach page 120 before I turn 16, okay? Yeah right!

Anyway, this is a pretty stupid journal. I’m embarrassed to let anyone read it. My great, great grandchildren will probably read it and think, “So, that’s where we get our mental disorders from!” ( Not that they’ll have any, of coarse!) That would be cool… No, not that everyone in the future thinks I’m retarded… It’ would be cool to read your great, great grandma’s journal; to see what kind of life they had and if they were at all like me.

Whoever reads this journal is probably going to be disappointed that not even 1/4th of my life is in here. I get sick of writing because I write so slow I can’t keep up with my thoughts! I’m going to start writing more anyway; it’s my New Year’s resolution! I am going to put topics to write about in a jar so I can choose something every time I write.

Tomorrow is the first day back to school after Christmas break. It went by so fast! I needed the rest though. I’ve been through so much; first my grandpa, then Rico, then my grandpa again… then my own brother. Yes, my brother has been sticking mirrors under the bathroom door while I shower and watching me change through the sheetrock in my unfinished bedroom. It sounds like he masturbates while he does it. Sick huh?

On top of all that, I have the normal stresses of teenage life... I’m not doing so well. I have been in tons of pain all the time, I keep getting sick, I have bad headaches, I can’t sleep, I often feel unsafe and have to be with my mom.

I do think I’m getting better though. Mom says I’m finally letting out all my stress now that the abuse is over and taken care of. Every night, I imagine myself with my future husband so I can sleep. He comes to me and I tell him how I feel and I cry on his shoulder for awhile. He loves me very, very much; more than anything. He holds me and sings to me in my ear… I know this sounds really dumb. I can’t wait until I find him though. I already love him and I’ve never seen his face.
Love, Melonie



*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

August 14, 1998

Hey Kristi,
What’s up? I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date again… A lot has been going on; I’ve had a busy summer. We just went to court. My grandpa is in prison now. He was sentenced to 1-15 years and he has to pay for the counseling and my doctor bill because of all the physical pain he’s caused me. This has really been stressful for us.

I’ve had nightmares of grandpa and thoughts about what he might do to me or my family because I told. I also have flashbacks (while I am awake) of what he did to me way back on January 26th. It has been hard at school. The cops came and pulled me out of choir class (the biggest possible class) to ask me some questions. I think there are some rumors going around now. I guess it doesn’t matter because at the courthouse, I was asked to speak for the huge news camera. I did it because I wanted to help other people. I told them about the nightmares and flashbacks… It was very embarrassing.

I sometimes feel like I could have stopped it earlier than I did. Grandpa has always made me feel uncomfortable. That day he made me feel really uncomfortable all day. First, he would tell me over and over that he liked my haircut because it made me look older. Then, he wanted to rub my legs because they were sore after running. He came up behind me and put his arms around me and his hands down my underwear.

Later, I went downstairs to watch the news for school and he started to pull out the hide-a-bed and strip down to his garments in front of me. He told me to go change into my pajamas and come lay by him. When I came back, he asked me if I were wearing a bra because “you shouldn’t sleep in your bra” and asked whether or not I usually “sleep with sweatpants under [my] night gown”.

After I came back from changing again, I got in the bed. I don’t know why I did it. I just remember feeling like a robot on autopilot. After a while, he asked me to rub his belly again. (He usually wanted us to “rub his belly clockwise to help him lose weight.) He wanted me to turn to the side so he could rub mine. While this was happening, I began to black out. Soon, it was as if I wasn’t even there.

The next thing I remember is my grandpa asking, “Is this okay?” I really had to concentrate to know what was happening. He was playing with my nipple. I told him “no” and he moved his hand back to my belly. He asked me how low he wanted me to go. I didn’t answer. He informed me that he liked it “all the way down”. “Have you every wondered what a real man looks like?” He pulled off the covers to reveal that his garments were down and his penis was sticking straight up in the air.

I was shocked. He then suggested that I “pull down the skin and watch the pink part pop out”. I don’t know why I did it but after that I got off the bed, ran to my room and climbed in my own bed. He followed me into my room and said he was sorry and that I’d better not tell. Just then I knew exactly what I had to do! He said he would turn off the T.V. for me. I said I would do it, got off my bed, walked right past him, turned it off, then I had to run up the stairs to my parents room because he chased me; grabbing at my feet.

I started shaking all over but was somehow able to tell my parents. They sat and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, they went downstairs and mom kicked him out. Well, I’m going to go. I’ll tell you about court later.
Love, Melonie


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

June 29 & 30, 1998

June 29, 1998

I am at camp Oakcrest! Cool, huh? I love it here!

Oh, I broke-up with my boyfriend. It had been about a month and two weeks. I did it because I realized that I don’t really want to have a boyfriend. It’s like “going steady” and I’m uncomfortable with it. I am just going to date when I turn 16. Besides… it will be more fun that way!

Anyway, I hope this summer brings me closer to the Lord. I need him now more than ever!
Love, Kix (This is my camp name while I work up here this summer!)

June 30, 1998

Dear Heavenly Father,
I just wanted to take the time to tell you that I love you and I appreciate all you’ve done for me. My seminary teacher told me that I’ve only been away for about 21 minutes from you but it seems a lot longer to me! I miss you so much. Sometimes at night I look up into the stars and try to remember you. I know that you’ll probably never forget me… Thank you so much!

I’m sorry I haven’t been that great for you throughout my life but please don’t give up on me! I am trying so hard. I need you more than ever now.

Thank you for the people you’ve sent to me. Thanks for my family, friends and teachers. I love them all so much! Thanks for my home and for the gospel. Thank you for the scriptures. Thank you for my body and for my talents; you’ve given me so much!

I love you and I can’t wait for the day that I can be with you again! I am trying my hardest to do my best but sometimes I think it isn’t good enough. Please help me. Forgive me of my weaknesses and help me make them strengths. Heavenly Father, please help me to understand what I am meant to do in life and who I need to become. Help me to grow spiritually. Thanks again.
I love you,
Melonie



*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

May 6-June 9, 1998

May 6, 1998

Kristi-
Guess what! The last 3 days I have been trying out for Spirit Club! (They are like “lesser” cheerleaders I guess…) I made it! Next year I will try for Cheerleader! I’m really excited!

Also, we have to go to court because of my grandpa. I’m scared. I have to go to counseling every Thursday. I wish I could just forget about all this. I want things to go back to the way they were.
Melonie
(Age 15)

May 28, 1998

Hey Kristi,
How are you? I’m doing okay. I have a lot to tell you… I will try to begin where I left off. On Saturday, May…

June 9, 1998

Well, I didn’t get very far last time did I? I told you I don’t like to write much… I got bored and started doodling rather than filling you in on my “exciting” life! Anyway, as I said before, I have a lot to tell you.

On May 9th I went to the Regional Dance (after I delivered a few pizzas with my dad). The dance was kind of boring; then I had to find a ride back home. I asked Mark and he was riding with some of his friends who were going to Ensign Peak afterward. He asked me to go with them; so I did.

Mark and a couple of girls I recognized were the only ones I knew out of a big van full of people. One of the girls was driving, Mark was “making-out” with some girl in the back seat the whole time, and the last girl is just plain annoying.

There was this really cute guy there, though… Since there was no one else to talk to, I decided I might as well say something to him! He was so sweet and funny… and he has the cutest smile! We talked the whole time and, before the night was over, he told me I am beautiful and that I have a cute smile! I gave him my phone number and he called me the next day; now he’s my boyfriend!
Love, Melonie
(Age 15)


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

April 26, 1998

Hey Kristi,
How are you? Guess what! You’ll never believe this… Last Tuesday I went to a model search and, Wednesday, they called to tell me I was accepted into their school! Neat huh?

Yesterday, I went to register and take a tour of the school with my mom. I am so excited! I start modeling school May 9th.

To “try out” we had to walk down a runway, pick up a microphone and tell the audience our names and something special about ourselves. Then, we each had an interview with the owner of the school. He’s really cool… and cute too! Well, I’ve got to go. See you soon!
Melonie


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

April 19, 1998

Kristi,

I have a lot to tell you. First of all, I don’t like Nate anymore. I got to know him and he is not the type of guy I plan to marring and being with for the rest of my life. This is the type of guy I plan to marry:

HE MUST BE:
A mormon
A hard worker
Active/ Playful
Honest/ Trustworthy
Respectful
A priesthood holder
Loves children
In love with me
Always doing his best
Kind to his family
Having daily prayers & scripture study
Understanding/ A listener
Thankful
Puts God first
Service oriented
Always stands up for what’s right
Cheerful
Good in school
A person with goals
Someone my family likes
A return missionary
A temple recommend holder

HE HOPEFULLY IS:
Cute
Funny
Muscular/Healthy
A good singer
"Outdoorsy"
A good dancer
Has a good (family friendly) job
A piano player
A good cook
A good fix-it man
A healthy eater
Likes to read
Romantic
Talented
A cat lover
A leader
Confident (not proud)
Loves art

At my cousin's baptism, I met a boy... (Yes, I like him now! I'm sorry, I can't help it!) I don't know him too well but, already, he seems better than Nate. He likes me too! Yes! I met him again at my other cousins Farewell. (No, I am not related to him in any way!) Too bad I'm not 16 yet... 8 more months!

Anyway, my cousin left for the Missionary Training Center last Wednesday. I miss him already. I hope he writes us. I'm glad he decided to go on a mission.
Love, Melonie


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

March 27, 1998

Hey Kristi,
How are you? Me? I don’t know. I’m kind of upset, scared and disappointed in myself. I don’t know, maybe they are normal feelings for a teenager to have… I hate being a teenager. I know that I am supposed to think of myself as an important, special person; a daughter of God but, for some reason, I don’t. Not right now.

Everyone is always mad at me. I screw up everything. I wish I would change. I’ve tried many times but I think it just ends up getting worse. Heavenly Father has given me so much. I wish I could at least make him proud of me for the person I am but I am not making very many good choices. I keep yelling at my brothers and sister for no reason, I disobeyed mom twice in two months and I’ve lied when I knew I could be in trouble. I don’t want to be like this! I hate myself!

We are going to my cousin’s baptism early in the morning tomorrow, so I’d better go to bed. My grandpa might be there. I’m scared of him.

Tomorrow I am going to start all over and be a better person. I hope it turns out well. I love you and I hope you love me too because I really need someone right now. Thanks Kristi.
Love, Melonie
(Age 15)


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

March 4 & 5, 1998

Kristi, I like Nate… a whole lot. I can’t stop thinking about him. I think he likes me too. (…I hope that you won’t tell all this dumb stuff to my future husband, later! How embarrassing!) My friends say that if I don’t start talking to him, he’ll loose interest in me (if he does like me…). So, even though I feel shy, I am going to try and talk to him more. I will find out what he likes and just be his friend. Tomorrow, I’m going to write him a note. I hope that’s a good start because tomorrow missionary week starts for seminary. I’m excited. I’ll tell you more about that later. Good night; wish me luck!
Love, Melonie


Kristi,
Hey, how are you? I can talk now so I’ll give you the details… Nate likes me for sure! I just found out today. He kept teasing me and one day, after church, I asked him why. He said, “Think about it.” …That really bugged me because I wasn’t sure what that meant. Little things like that would happen and then he would just ignore me.

Today at lunch he came and sat by all of us. He was really shy and didn’t know what to say. This morning, Dawn got the sudden erg to ask him if he liked me. He said, “yes”. She asked if he would ever “go out” with me. He didn’t answer but she says his face went red. She also told him that I like him! I was mad at her for a while!

Lidia and Dawn both say that if I don’t say something, he’s going to be taken. I’m scared. What should I say? He is nice and cute and very popular too. Why does he like me? Well, missionary week has started and I can’t write, call, or even talk to him for 9 days. Then, when the week is over, we have a regional dance.

Missionary week is a lot of responsibility. I have to wake up tomorrow at 6:30 on my day off! That’s what I don’t like about it. Well maybe I should go to bed now. Thanks for listening to me babble on about Nate. You’re Awesome!
Love you, Melonie


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

February 28, 1998

Hey Kristi,
Sorry I haven’t been writing… A lot has been going on. First of all, my grandpa has been staying with us; he sexually molested my sister and me and he showed “himself” to me. We had to go talk to the police and they had to video record my sister’s and my interview. Yesterday, the detective called and said that we might have to go on channel 13 News to catch him. I am really scared. My grandpa chased me up the stairs and grabbed at my feet so I wouldn’t tell.

I also double pierced my ears, yesterday, after my mom said “no”. I did it myself by pushing the earrings through my ears. I don’t know why I did it. I have been feeling so bad and I guess I was angry. I got in trouble and, today, I am grounded. It has been so long since the last time I got in trouble… I feel soooo bad.

Since I’ve got time, I’ve got more from my school journal to record:

My personality traits come mostly from my dad, I think. I am a hard worker, patient, curios and understanding like him. My shyness and imagination come from my mom. I am creative and spiritual like her. People say I look like her too. I love mind games, story problems and music like my grandpa. I take good care of my things like my grandma.

Hobbies that I enjoy are: reading, sewing, painting/drawing, dancing, crafts, running, camping, bike riding, skating and playing the piano.

I have lots of hobbies but no time to do them. Striving for 4.0’s in school, my chores and being the Mia Maid president for church takes up most of my time. I hope I have time today to do something fun. Maybe I’ll finish sewing my dress for Young Women in Excellence. It’s looking pretty nice. I just have to hem up the bottom now… After that, I might just go to bed. I am tired!


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

January 24, 1998

My cousin died last Saturday. He shot himself in the head. The police called us at 2 am Sunday morning. Mom had to call everyone else to let them know. Monday, I had to watch the kids while mom took care of everything (paperwork-wise). Tuesday, Zach and I went to go help clean out the apartment. We saw a huge, dried-up puddle of blood on the floor and a bullet hole with some of his scalp and hair on the ceiling. It was really sad. Today we went to the funeral. I miss him. He loved to play the piano and make up silly new words to songs. I hear them over and over in my head. He was a great guy.
Love, Melonie
(Age 15)


*All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.

January 5 & 11, 1998

Hey Kristi,
I am tired. The holidays have already come and gone. Christmas was great. I got a CD player to go with the 25 CD’s I already have! I spent New Year ’s Eve at Dawn’s house. It was fun.

I also cut my hair that day. It is now shorter than shoulder length! I don’t know if I like it yet… Last Friday I went to the mall with Dawn and Melissa and we got our pictures taken so you can decide for yourself how it looks! ...Kinda …I guess not. Anyway, … it’s almost time for our birthdays!

Did I already tell you that Dawn’s birthday is just one day later than mine? We are about 32 hours and 36 minutes apart! Cool huh? We were supposed to be planning a party together today… but she got excited and planned it without me. She wants to go ice skating and I guess she already reserved a rink. Oh well, she’s having fun! I just had my heart set on getting some CD’s and a watch (they were to be my reward for doing well all year) but now the money goes to paying for a rink.

Jan 11

I’m 15 now, Kristi! I’ve had my birthday!

Zach, Ben, Jessica, and I went to the mall all day. We were there from about 11:00am – 5:30pm. I got a beautiful new $80 dress on clearance for $30! Cool, huh? I love it! I wore it today to my cousin’s homecoming.

I also got a Spice Girls CD, Chumbawamba cassette tape and a Backstreet Boys CD.
(I’m listening to the Backstreet Boys now!) We also saw Mr. Bean (movie). It was sooooooo dumb.

Dawn and I had our party on Friday. It turned out good. It was fun! The girls enjoyed it. 18 of 32 friends showed up.

I have to go back to school tomorrow. One more week to get my grades raised to a 4.0before everything needs to be turned in for report cards!
Love, Melonie


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